


Something to Live For part 16

by Phsbarbie



Series: Something to Live For [16]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Literature, Romance, fan fiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-27
Updated: 2014-05-27
Packaged: 2018-01-26 19:58:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1700657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phsbarbie/pseuds/Phsbarbie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter originally ended differently in my head(with Shepard calling off the wedding momentarily) but it just wouldn't write. My husband pointed out it's because Shepard and Kaidan are meant to be. I agree, and like how this turned out much better.</p></blockquote>





	Something to Live For part 16

    I slip into bed past midnight, trying really hard not to wake her. Shepard turned in a few hours ago, allowing me to deal with my requisition reports distraction free. I shouldn't have been far behind her, I should have had my reports done hours ago, but it was hard to make my mind focus. Today is the day. In a few short hours Shepard will be all geared up and fighting for the first time since the Reapers fell.

    I prop myself up on one elbow and study her, making use of the dim light coming from the bathroom. Her long brown hair is pulled up in a ponytail, the same as it is every night. Whether she does it to keep it from knotting up or so she's ready to go if she has to wake up in a hurry, I don't know. I do know that I like the look of those tendrils that have gotten loose and are now framing her face. I'm tempted to reach out and brush them off her cheek, but I don't want to risk waking her.

    She looks so peaceful when she's sleeping, delicate even. I laugh silently at the thought. What a far cry that is from when she's awake. From the moment I met her all those years ago she's always projected strength. She tends to be a negotiator, can even be called compassionate from time to time, but no one ever forgets that beneath it all is a backbone of steel. She doesn't let them forget it.

    I wonder if there was ever a time, before Akuze, before the slavers took her family on Mindoir, that she was an open person. Did she wear her emotions on her sleeve? Did she let other people have her trust instead of making them earn it? Did she ever let anyone besides me close enough to love? And if she did, if she ever was this foreign person, did that part of her die with her parents on Mindoir? Or did a portion survive only to be killed along with her squad on Akuze?

    She stirs in her sleep and I'm brought back to the present. I'm sure she'd tell me the answers if I asked, but I won't. Who she was then doesn't matter, it's who she is now that counts. And who she is now is an amazing, beautiful, utterly stubborn woman. She's refusing to take a team into the arena with her, she's determined to do it solo and no amount of arguing on my part has convinced her otherwise. And believe me, I've tried.

    It's basically the same argument, time after time. I tell her there's still two and a half months left on her six month timeline, she counters that our wedding is in six weeks and she needs to get this out of the way to enjoy it. I remind her she was nearly paralyzed less than five months ago, she mockingly challenges me to a race around the apartment to prove her legs work just fine. I once made the mistake of questioning her aim and she demanded we go to the shooting range, where she proceeded to outshoot me on every target. It was both frustrating and incredibly hot at the same time. Luckily the door to the range locks. Ahem, back to the standard argument.

    I point out that the enemy won't pull any punches and she rolls her eyes, telling me that by it's design the simulator will stop before it kills her. I say that won't stop them from injuring her, setting her recovery back and then where will she be? This is typically met by a glare and a statement that she'll limp down the aisle then. By this point I'm nearly begging her to take a team in with her, but she just shakes her head and says this is something she has to do by herself.

    For some reason Shepard feels like she has something to prove. She can't just go in with a squad, do a typical mission, and come back out. No, she has to do a solo run against elite Reaper combatants. I love this woman more than I can possibly explain, but sometimes I just want to shake her. I settle for a sigh and lay down beside her, pulling her into my arms and hoping for the strength to make it through the day. 

 

    Kaidan slips into bed next to me after midnight, the change in weight on the mattress waking me up. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me close.

    "Sorry I woke you," he says, nuzzling into my neck, "but hey, since you're already up..." I laugh and push him away from me.

    "Don't even think about it Alenko. I have a fitness test in eight hours, I'm going back to sleep." He gives a mock sigh of disappointment.

    "Fine, leave me lying here frustrated, tortured by thoughts of you and that tongue." I roll my eyes and smile, laying back down facing the wall.

    "Save it for our own private celebration tonight." I can feel the change in the air, slight though it may be. Kaidan seems suddenly... cautious.

    "Shepard, if you don't pass the test today-"

    "What do you mean if I don't pass the test today?" I ask, rolling over and glaring at him. He sighs for real this time and pinches the bridge of his nose.

    "I just mean it wasn't that long ago that you couldn't even walk."

    "It was four and a half months ago!" I snap.

    "And three and a half months ago you told Chakwas you'd be ready in six," he snaps back, no longer hesitant. "Which was  _after_  she told you a year and a half." He takes a deep breath and softens his tone. "I just want you to realize you have another two and half months on your self imposed timeline. If you don't pass this test you can always try again in a few weeks." I'm trying not to let myself be hurt by what Kaidan's saying. I know he's only trying to look out for me, but still. Doesn't he believe in me?

    "Kaidan, our  _wedding_  is in six weeks. I just need to get this out of the way." Kaidan pushes himself up to a sitting position and turns on the lights.

    "Then at least take a team in with you. You don't need to do this alone." I'm shaking my head before he's finished the sentence.

    "How many times do we have to have this argument? Yes, I do." He turns his face away and I reach out a hand to turn it back towards me. "Hey, don't look so worried. I've soloed plenty of missions. Remember that Batarian base orbiting Aratoht?" He presses his hand against mine and brings it down from his face.

    "I know, Shepard. I read the reports. But that was before." I try not to stiffen.

    "Before I got hurt?" He gives me a slow nod. "That is exactly what I'm trying to prove here, that I'm just as capable now as I was then." His gaze locks onto mine.

    "And what if you're not?" I feel like I've been physically slapped.

    "What do you mean, if I'm not?" All the tension seems to leave Kaidan's body with the sigh he lets out. He rubs his eyes with the heels of his hands.

    "I'm sorry, Angel. I'm just worried about you." He looks up at me with those soulful eyes I've never been able to resist and I will myself not to melt into them. I fail, of course. The look in those whiskey colored eyes is tormented. I push myself up to a sitting position and look over Kaidan cautiously. He may be sensitive and sometimes a touch emotional, this big strong biotic of mine, but he's not prone to random outbursts- he's more the calm and steady type.

    Since the attempted Cerberus coup nearly a year ago he's supported me in every decision, had my back at every turn, and I can literally count on one hand the number of arguments we've had-at least until the last six weeks. Something's been different since then though. This isn't the first time I've looked at him and seen torment. The way he watches me when he thinks I'm not looking is almost desperate, and the way he takes me in the middle of the night- it's like he's trying to reassure himself that I'm still here.

    "Kaidan," I say, reaching out to smooth his hair back. He drops his hands from his eyes and looks at me. "This wouldn't have anything to do with those dreams you don't want to talk about, would it?" He gives me a weak smile.

    "It might." I raise an eyebrow expectantly and he sighs. "In the dream we're out on our first new mission, taking down a group of pirates in the Terminus when we get ambushed. We all dive for cover but something goes wrong and your legs go out. I can't get to you in time and-" I cut him off with a kiss. The heartbreak in his voice is breaking mine in turn.

    "Nothing is going to happen to me, Kaidan," I tell him, framing his face with my hands. He backs away slightly, frustrated.

    "You can't know that Shepard! You're not indestructible." I struggle not to sigh.

    "I know I'm not, baby. I know," I say, hoping to placate him with a  pet name. "But I am who I am. I can't just sit around, I have to get back out there." The weak smile is back, paired with a small nod.

    "I know, Angel. I guess I should just let this test be the decider." I nod.

    "That sounds like a fantastic plan. Now, how about we get some sleep, huh? We've got an early morning."

    Seven and a half hours later I'm strapped into my armor, my assault and sniper rifles strapped to my back, waiting impatiently in the Armax Arena locker room. Alone. I've been pacing the room for the last twenty minutes, waiting for Kaidan to show and at least give me a kiss for luck. I know he wishes I wasn't doing this, that I would wait until after the wedding, but I can't. I know he doesn't understand, but I had hoped he would at least be here to support me. I take a deep breath and let it out, double checking my armor closures and getting my head where it needs to be- in this battle.

    "Commander Shepard, they're ready for you," comes the voice over the speakers and I head out of the locker room into the arena. I glance up at the control room in the upper corner, trying to see if maybe Kaidan decided to watch from up there. Instead, all I see is the technician giving me a  thumbs up. I flash him a brief smile in return and move towards cover as the countdown starts.

    I use the scope on my sniper to determine where the first group will be popping up before lowering myself back into cover. The second I hear that disconcerting sound husks make I launch a biotic flare, taking out the first group before they can take a step. I grin. Damn it's good to be back. 

 

    I'm pacing in the Armax Arena locker room, all geared up with my pistol on my hip and my assault rifle on my back. I wish I had been here to wish her luck before she went out, but then she would have wanted to know why I was all suited up. If she makes it through this on her own then I'll deal with the fallout, but if she doesn't, if she needs me, you can be damn sure I'm going to be here to help her.

    My eyes stay glued to the vid screen while I walk. It's airing an instant playback of Shepard's match, which she's doing amazing in so far. She's got herself set up in a corner on the Blastoid map, sniping the enemy as they come over the bridge on her left and switching to her assault rife for any stragglers that make it too close to her from the right. Basically, she's doing what Shepard does best; kicking ass and proving any doubts about her wrong.

    She's made it through rounds one and two and I'm beginning to think she's not going to need me after all when I hear it. It's the sound I'd hoped I'd never hear again- the shrill scream of a banshee. This match is against elites, not super elites. Where the hell did that banshee come from? Judging by the look on Shepard's face she's wondering the same thing.

    I'm entering the arena at a full run before the echoes of the scream have faded away. The banshee is using her series of biotic hops to quickly gain on Shepard from the right, effectively boxing her in. She pulls out her assault rifle, looking determined, but the banshee is just too damn close. Luckily, at this point, so am I.         Using the momentum I've built up while running I launch myself over a crate and overload the banshee's barrier before landing a foot away. I fire a fully charged shot from my Chakram Launcher into its head, scoring an instant kill. Shepard is looking up at me in surprise and I can't help the grin I'm sporting as I walk towards her and give her a hand up.

    "You look like you're having a rough day, Shepard." She grabs my armor and pulls me into her, a small smile playing at the edges of her lips.

    "Alenko, have I ever told you that I love you?"

    "Once or twice," I concede with a tilt of my head. "Though I could stand to hear it again."

    "I'll just bet you could," she says, pressing her lips to mine. In the same movement she draws my pistol off my hip and finishes off a marauder behind me.

    "Round three complete. Match goes to Shepard," comes the voice of the automated announcer. I can hear the cheers coming from the control room but I pay them no mind. I hold Angel's head in place and kiss her like she's my whole world. And, to be honest, she is.

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter originally ended differently in my head(with Shepard calling off the wedding momentarily) but it just wouldn't write. My husband pointed out it's because Shepard and Kaidan are meant to be. I agree, and like how this turned out much better.


End file.
